Many people believe acceptance means you allow things to just happen. You are powerless to change things. However, this is a completely false believe. Jon Kabat-Zinn, one of the fore most authorities on mindfulness says “Acceptance is a very active process, there is nothing passive about it, it’s not passive resignation but an act of recognition that things are the way they are… Acceptance doesn’t mean we can’t work to change the world, or circumstances, but it means that unless we accept things as they are, we will try to force things to be as they are not and that can create an enormous amount of difficulty”. In other words, acceptance is understanding what reality is. It is recognizing the truth about a situation. Acknowledging the reality of a situation gives you a measure of control. It gives you the power of knowledge. Wield this power wisely to make a positive change in the world and your life.
The Power of Acceptance
The website Mindfulness Based Happiness has an article on acceptance called Practice Acceptance for Mindfulness the Easy Way by Olivier Devroede. It calls acceptance heroic and foundational. It states it is heroic because we are completely seeing reality for what it is. People tend to lie to themselves about reality, so they do not have to deal with it directly. It gives two reasons why acceptance is foundational. The first reason is it helps relieve pain and suffering. Pain and suffering are relieved by being able to see the real cause of a problem and to face it head on. This is very courageous. Identifying the root cause of pain and suffering allows you to remove it. The second reason is your perspective of the situation changes. Having a different perspective allows you to see connections you normally wouldn’t recognize. The Buddhist Tale of Two Arrows was given as an example. The tale goes like this.
The Buddha teaches that refusing to see things as they are is like a soldier that gets hurt on the battlefield by an arrow.
But the soldier does not want to acknowledge that fact that he got shot. And the Buddha says that this is very much like taking a second arrow and sticking it in our own flesh, next to the first one.
The first arrow is symbolic for life and its inevitable pain. We cannot escape this. But the second arrow is self-inflicted. And this symbolizes the suffering we bring upon ourselves for not accepting life as it is and taking actions based on facts. (Buddha Shakyamuni)
This tale shows how we cause a lot of our own pain and suffering based on how we perceive a situation. Shifting our perception from negativity to acceptance changes our relationship to the pain. We are then able to do something about it.
Practicing Mindful Acceptance
Developing an attitude of acceptance should a goal for everyone who meditates, especially those who are just beginning. A good technique to begin with is to understand there is going to be some background noise. It is impossible to get rid of all noise and have completed silence. There will always be the wind blowing, a dog barking in the distance, or some other background noise. Do your best to find the quietest place possible and then accept there isn’t going to be absolute silence.
Dealing with some level of physical discomfort is another reality we have to accept. This doesn’t mean you will be in writhing pain, but instead there may be an itch on your nose. Or your legs may become numb and fall asleep. These things are going to happen from time to time. Feel free to scratch the itch or readjust your position to where you are more comfortable. You simply take care of whatever discomfort you are experiencing and resume the meditation.
Finally, we have to accept that every meditation is not going to be perfect. As we have already pointed out there is background noise, itchy noses, and sleeping legs to contend with. We also have to recognize we are going to have stray thoughts roaming around our minds. This is what meditation is all about. Being aware of those wandering thoughts and letting them go. We just refocus on what we were focusing on to begin with. Allowing yourself to embrace these things will help you develop an attitude of acceptance.